Molly-Rose again, now exhibiting her "deer in headlights" look...

So here it is, taken from dictionary.com :

al⋅tru⋅ism  /ˈæltruˌɪzəm/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [al-troo-iz-uhm]

–noun 1. the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others (opposed to egoism ).

2. Animal Behavior. behavior by an animal that may be to its disadvantage but that benefits others of its kind, as a warning cry that reveals the location of the caller to a predator.

Ok, so I've titled this post "Where have all the altruists gone?" because, well, that is just what I am asking.

We have been so blessed to be on the receiving end of some amazing acts of kindness of late, and I am so very thankful to those beautiful people who have worked to direct those to us. Without such acts, we wouldn't still be able to keep plugging along as we are, without those acts, our optimism would be completely diminished and we would be crumbling under the pressure of it all. Without those acts, I wouldn't be able to see light at the end of the tunnel. Well, ok, so I can see a PIN prick of light right now. It would be great to see a beautiful great big glow, but for now it is a pin prick and for that I am grateful because a few weeks ago, I was just trapped in a great big black hole, with no end in sight.

So, here's the thing - I have been learning to accept assistance when it is offered. This was a huge thing for me to do, and I did not take this lightly. However, I got to a point where I simply threw my hands in the air and said "Get over yourself, you have kids to feed!" And that's what I did. That is why I was able to accept the gifts that people sent to us and head to Woolies and buy my family some groceries (using donated gift cards), it is also why I was able to say simply "thank-you, it is a wonderful gesture" when a group of amazing ladies banded together and arranged to have a beautiful Chrisco hamper delivered to our door just in time for Christmas. Whereas previously, my ego would have gotten in the way and yelled "NO! Go away, I am strong, I can handle it!"

Zali, looking ever so sweet...

So, having been on the receiving end of many acts of kindness, I know that I could not hold my head up high and accept these gestures without somehow, doing something in return, or at least feeling as though I have tried to give something in return. I have exchanged my skills as a photographer, and my design skills and my sewing skills in my attempts to repay what others have done, and now, I am working hard to "pay it forward" and give the Bolt family a pin-prick at the end of their tunnel too.

What I do not understand though, is this. We've all heard about karma, what goes around comes around, we've all heard about "paying it forward", etc, but to be honest, I don't think that these things can or should be used as a reason to help someone in need.

As I posted above, TRUE altruism is

"the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others",

or if we look at it at the most basic level that is found in the animal kingdom, it is

"behavior by an animal that may be to its disadvantage but that benefits others of its kind, as a warning cry that reveals the location of the caller to a predator."

To me, this means throwing those hands in the air and yelling "stuff it, I don't care if we can't afford it, I am going to help these people". To me, it means "I'm doing something to help, and I don't want them to know I did it". To me, it means "If I get myself in trouble for doing this, then who cares because I know it will help someone in need". To me, it does NOT mean "oooh, I might help out because it will get me some good PR for my business". To me, it does NOT mean "if I help out someone else, it will come back to me 3-fold". To me, it doesn NOT mean "if I do something nice for this person in need, they will then owe me a favour later on down the track".

Zali in an outake & looking NOT ever-so-sweet! She was saying "Look Me Mummy, this is how you be a model!" Hmmmm, well, maybe SOME models pose like that! lol. Excuse the fig leaf, I didn't want to share her Dora the Exploer undies with all of cyber space!

I once had a person who was offering to help us say to me, after I thanked them for their kindness; "oh, it's ok, I know it'll come back to me". A short sentence, perhaps, but read deeper into it - I mean, wasn't that person simply saying to me "I'm only actually helping you out because I know that some way, I'll get it back". Whether it "comes back" in the physical sense with cash, business sales, favours owed, products, services or even with be awarded an entry to "Heaven" rather than "Hell", it still says to me that this person does not want to actually do a nice thing for our family, but rather is doing it in the hope that they will be rewarded for their actions. I find this a really sad illustration of society today. Really, really sad.

Our little man Neo, loves to play in his Daddy's arms!

As it stands today, the inability of others to understand my outlook has led my own mother to last week "disown" me. Apparently, she no longer considers me her daughter, or my children to be her grandchildren. This is because we currently owe her money that we can't afford to pay back right now, and to her, that is more important than the well-being of her own flesh and blood. When a mother can't even show selflessness to their child, how could it possibly be expected that she could understand why that child would show it to others?

I believe that every selfless act still offers something in return to the giver. Even the ultimate in"selfless" acts like donating organs and giving blood, are followed through with the knowledge that your donation has helped brighten (or save!) another's life. This can be to help to heal a grieving family, or to strengthen your own resolve as a human, but it still, I believe, cannot be considered totally "selfless" as you (or your family) are indeed receiving something back for your amazing gift.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that this is a bad thing! Any act that helps another has got be a good one - regardless of the motive behind it. But, I am really starting to wonder is it actually selfish to be "unselfish"? Ok, well, actually, I think that it’s not exactly selfish to be unselfish, but it’s certainly self-rewarding. The positive psychologists will tell you this, and it’s really true: performing a good deed, doing a loving action, makes you feel great, as I already mentioned above, and as I know myself today through my efforts assisting Cate and her family.

So, let's just say that altruism is really a "self-REWARDing" trait to have, and you know what, if that's the case, then I'd be really happy to "reward" myself whenever I can!

I hope that you, reading this, are self-rewarding on a daily basis, and lastly, if you've managed to get through this entire blog post and have been able to actually understand my very verbose, poorly formed late night ramblings then, you deserve more than a "self-reward"! You deserve a nice hot cuppa!

So, post a comment here, and I'll send one your way! A gorgeous pkt of Planet Organic organic chamomile tea will be sent to all who respond to this post, so long as you email me an address (shop@anklebiters.com.au) to send it to! ...because, I am hoping that there will be some thoughtful chatting stemming from this post, and what is a good, Aussie chinwag without a cuppa to enjoy, eh?

tan.x.

PS the shots through-out this post have absolutely NO relevance to it! They are simply there because I took them today and I wanted to brag to you all about just how gorgeous my babies are, as well as to break up my monotonous dialogue and give you something a little entertaining to view!